Seattle Man Never Recovers After Pit Bull Steals His Heart

A confessed toy addict, Mako has a penchant for rubber balls with feet. The feet don’t stand a chance.

A 35 year old man was rescued from his apartment Saturday after his 4 year old Pit Bull tried to love him to death. The man, Randall Tate, of Seattle was home alone with the dog when things apparently got out of control. The animal in question, Mako (aka Mango, Moki or Monkey Bear) is a repeat offender, and has a well documented history of stealing hearts. According to Randall, after an intense game of fetch, the two collapsed on the floor. Unaware of this creature’s long rap sheet, Randall was defenseless as Mako nuzzled into his neck and licked his chin. The damage was done. He felt his heart slip away and apparently never recovered from his unfaltering adoration. After Randall did not respond to numerous text messages regarding free beer at a local pub, neighbors knew something was up. They went to Randall’s home where they heard laughter and baby talk coming from inside. They took matters into their own hands and broke down the door. According to witness testimony, Randall was overcome with emotion, blubbering with joy as the neighbors pulled him from the apartment. Mako was left behind because his tail was wagging and he looked otherwise content to have consumed yet another victim. Randall was treated for love overdose by a local astrologist. He was then transferred to the Center for People Who Underestimate the Love of Pit Bulls for further study and enrollment in a 10 step rehabilitation program. The results so far do not look promising. Here are some images of the heart stealer in question:

A true rebel, Mako is known for not wearing a collar during photo shoots.

Testament to his thug life upbringing, Mako loves graffiti and considers himself an aficionado on the Seattle street scene.

Often lazy and appearing sleepy, Mako is tricky and has been known to spring out and steal a person’s heart in the blink of an eye.

A vigilant camp guard, Mako rarely misses the opportunity to chase a deer on their own turf.

Often using his charms to gain favor with humans, Mako can be seen here living the life of luxury after stealing yet another heart.

Don’t let your boyfriend near this dog. He will be speaking baby talk before you know it.

Mako has been known to slingshot himself into people’s worlds.

Mako may appear to be a Superhero, but don’t be fooled, he is a hardened criminal.